Good Honest Stephen

No one ever said love was easy. So I would enter with a sword ready at my side. But a sword wasn’t enough and a shield wouldn’t stop this pain either. The hurt just keeps building up and I don’t know how to take it anymore. I have lost all of my “escapes” from this world and left to face the facts. It’s hard to let go of someone that you grew so much with them in a short amount of time and for them to say that they just weren’t feeling the same as you. Whoever said that two people had to be equal…yes, “All men are created equal” but that doesn’t mean that we have to be the same. All I ever want in this life is to be with someone I can grow with and hopefully they can grow with me as well and not just stop trying because they just feel that it’s not working. If it’s not working…fix it and if it still doesn’t work, you keep fixing it until it does work. Giving up is an easy way out and doesn’t solve anything. I can’t believe that I won’t be holding his hand anymore or feeling his body next to mine. There are no words to how that feels next to me. I know I’ve said in the past that other people were “the one”, but now that I’m a little bit older I can look back and realize they weren’t because I felt this was the one I was to work for….to strive to make better. God had appointed us to meet on that cold day in February in Union Square. As he stood outside with a beanie on his head and a scarf around his neck. Waiting for me to get off the subway, (it also being my first time down to Union Square) and the minute I found him I didn’t shake his head, we hugged because it felt like I was finding a friend all over again that I hadn’t seen in years. He was my best friend who I could share everything with and know he wouldn’t judge me but to help me through it. I felt like I lost my best friend…I felt like I lost my “rock” all over again. And this time, I don’t think it’s coming back. It’s hard to realize that something isn’t coming back and you can’t help but wonder, what could I have done to make it work? These thoughts flow out of me as they pop into my head and I know there is more, but I won’t allow myself to think them all because I will just start crying all over again. I’m strong by the grace of God, the almighty creator, and if it was meant to be he will bring him back to me…I just really want my best friend back.